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Confessions Of A Former Cocaine Dealer – Caveman Circus

cocaine dealer

October 23, 2018 | No Feedback » | Subjects: Life Experiences

cocaine dealer

I started messing with coke again in highschool. By no means something main, simply every time it turned obtainable at a celebration or when somebody would supply a line or two, “Positive let’s get tooted.”

Quick ahead a number of years after getting fired from a job and getting my final paycheck and I’m promoting it. Now this wasn’t a spur of the second sort choice. My circle of associates since leaving highschool had grow to be principally older cats that all the time had some huge cash, did what they needed and by no means appeared to fret about shit. I knew what they have been into however by no means actually requested lots of questions or requested for any myself. I used to be simply there to hang around with my good friend who principally had a home within the nation that was open 24/7 for events and weed.

This one good friend particularly was a senior once I was a freshman in highschool. We solely met after I used to be out of highschool and once we did lastly meet it was like I knew the dude my entire life. My lengthy misplaced brother that I all the time needed. He was probably the most charismatic folks that I’ve ever met and haven’t met anybody else like that to today. He was hilarious, by no means met somebody that he didn’t know and on prime of all of it I might hang around with him every time, wherever and he was down for no matter. And since he was one of many well-liked guys in highschool he launched me to a plethora of latest pals. It was fucking superior.

On this new batch of buddies there have been all the time 2 or three extra critical individuals. They didn’t come round fairly so typically however once they did everybody appeared to get critical. They have been all the time good however there are some individuals you meet and also you simply know, “Hey, don’t fuck round with these individuals. Be in your P’s and Q’s.”

So after actually hanging round for a number of years after which dropping the job I discussed, I requested my greatest good friend, let’s name him John Smith, if perhaps he might hook me up with one of many heavies to purchase some coke. I figured I knew an individual or two which may need some and being younger dumb and filled with cum I might at the very least stave off in search of one other job for every week or two.

“Positive.” says John. “How a lot you need to get?” I figured a half ounce should be the right quantity. Value me 400 bucks and I’d nonetheless have 100 left to eat on. He calls his critical buddy up and growth, he’s on his approach. We will name critical man, Mr. C. Properly I had met Mr. C awhile again at John’s home and knew he was into the more durable elements of the drug life. I knew he had been to jail however we had by no means personally talked about any of it. Every time he came to visit to John’s home there was completely no offers happening within the open. Even when it was simply John and I there. They stored every thing discreet and if that’s how they needed to do it what did I care?

So now it’s my flip. Mr. C comes over and I requested him, “Did John inform you what I needed?” “Yeah man, I obtained you. Should you want any extra John is aware of the right way to get ahold of me.”

I’ve obtained the hookup, Holla in the event you hear me.

So now I’ve acquired 14 grams of powder cocaine and no concept what to do with it.

“Marvel if Carlos nonetheless fucks with it?” I requested myself. Carlos was a previous pal from highschool and we had carried out powder collectively on events and each of our first wives have been good associates and we’re nonetheless buddies to today.

So I give Carlos a name and ask him if he’s . “Yeah man, come on over so I can get a take a look at it.” I went over and took some beers and he requested for a pattern like several good person who fucks with coke would. “Yeah, it’s good. I’ll take a gram and I’ve received a man a metropolis over that’s all the time in search of it. Are you able to get extra?” I advised him that wouldn’t be an issue and to let me know.

Subsequent day like clockwork.

“What’s up Tony? You continue to received a few of that left?” Carlos asks. “I’ve obtained all of it left, how a lot do you want?” He provides me the reply that I’ll hear from him each single day for weeks after that. “I want 1 / 4.” This one reply was truly a aid. I might eliminate half this fucking bag of coke and I might be finished with it and go discover a job someplace. As a result of consider it or not having a half ounce of coke can are likely to make you a bit nervous should you aren’t accustomed to having unlawful narcotics on you always. So, I took the 7 grams on over to Carlos and he says dude from the opposite city can be right here shortly to get it. “Fuck that! I’m not assembly any new individuals. You promote it to him and name me once you’re carried out. All I want is 300 bucks and if you can also make some cash so be it.” I stated midway operating for the door. “He’s cool man! I don’t fuck with Narcs!” he stated. I used to be out of there virtually immediately.

Positive sufficient, round 20 minutes later Carlos referred to as me and stated he had my cash. Went over there and Carlos was fucking hyped, stated he made 20 bucks off of dude. Right now Carlos was dwelling in a beat up trailer and cash wasn’t straightforward to return by for him so I used to be glad that this ordeal was half means over, Carlos made a couple of bucks and I virtually had my unique 400 dollars again.

Subsequent day like clockwork.

“What’s up Tony? You continue to obtained a few of that left?” “Yeah, Carlos. I’ve obtained 6 grams left. I’m able to eliminate it.” “What would you’re taking for them.”he asks. “My man needs no matter you bought.” “Okay how about 225 for the 6 g’s?” Hoping I might simply eliminate this shit and return to regular life. “Executed!” Carlos virtually screamed, betraying his coolness. “Okay I’ll be there in a number of. I don’t need to meet this man, similar deal as yesterday. Cool?” And so it went down identical to the day earlier than.

Subsequent day like clockwork.

What’s up Tony? You bought any of that left? That is the place it occurred. That is the place I made the choice. The choice that may alter my life endlessly. I might have stated, “No, I don’t have anymore . I can’t discover any. I used to be kidnapped by fucking Australians.” one thing aside from what I stated. Not eager to not be cool in fact I stated, “Yeah man, I acquired no matter you want.”

A fast name to John and a fast name to Mr. C and inside an hour I’ve obtained one other half ounce of powder cocaine and feeling like a fucking fool. I’m going and make one other 100 bucks off of Carlos’ dude and am advised he’ll name again tomorrow.


After a couple of weeks of doing this cope with Carlos I started to chill out. I used to be making almost 100 bucks a day and the necessity for a job shortly pale out of the image. I used to be a bona-fide cocaine vendor. I started to embrace getting up at three within the afternoon with the ability to exit and eat wherever I needed. To purchase a brand new shirt or denims if I needed. Who cares? This cash is free. I can all the time make some extra tomorrow.

Ultimately all of the folks that frolicked at John’s home that I used to be associates with began asking me if I knew the place to get cocaine. And let me inform you one thing. Should you promote cocaine to an individual as soon as, so far as they’re involved you’ll all the time have it once more and also you may as nicely be Muthafuckin Pablo Escobar to them. Cocaine simply does that to individuals for some cause. So I wasn’t about to draw back from this new respect individuals had for me. I simply let it occur. All of it turned extra than simply me. Now individuals have been starting to depend upon me for product. In Carlos’ case he was in search of just a little extra cash and the others, nicely, they trusted me for somewhat enjoyable on the weekends. Individuals wanted me and I took my duties critically. You want some now? I’m on my means, despite the fact that I discovered that cocaine needn’t be delivered. Muthafuckers will stroll to get to it. They’ll experience a shit stained dildo glued to a bicycle seat to get there. However I nonetheless delivered it as a result of I used to be offering a full time, full service operation.

It simply received higher and higher. After a couple of months I used to be established. Nice cash, extra pals than I might rely. Strip golf equipment, events and holidays from my trip life each single weekend. No duties simply quick cash, good automobiles and quicker ladies. Virtually paradise on earth. I didn’t use my provide rarely. Sometimes with some scorching chick or special day would I dip into my very own luggage. I as soon as made $9000.00 in a single week. $9000 IN ONE FUCKING WEEK BY MAKING A FEW PHONE CALLS. I might usually make at the very least 1500 to 2000 every week relying how how many individuals I felt like fucking with. But when I needed it the sky was the restrict. However in a rural city in Tennessee you possibly can’t serve everyone with out operating the danger of getting blazing fucking scorching to the authorities. And I did this all very properly. I used to be sensible, shrewd and ruthless when it got here to the sport. If I fronted somebody a gram or two I couldn’t see that as an funding to eliminate them, most individuals that owe you cash will dissappear like a modern-day episode of The Twilight Zone, I noticed it as a private affront to me and a problem to my private standing as a fucking participant. There wasn’t something I wouldn’t do to get my a refund or just remember to have been in a world of harm after you fucking tried to rob me of my cash or my standing. Throughout 50 awful bucks.

I wouldn’t fuck with arduous and even entertain crack heads. Method an excessive amount of hassle. I caught with powder and the occasional batch of X drugs and weed. In my expertise weed was too cumbersome and if somebody spent 100 bucks with you they wouldn’t be again for a very good week or so. The cash wasn’t quick sufficient. Similar with the extacy. Too lengthy a turnaround time. However cocaine? Fuck. I’ve had individuals spend 100 bucks and be again in lower than 2 hours with one other hundred. You don’t should promote cocaine with a gross sales pitch like weed or extacy. “Oh, this shit is Purple Fury or these are the Pink Woman Omegas.” Fuck that, simply present them the nook finish of a brick and other people will eat that shit up. The cocaine enterprise is bar none the simplest fucking factor I’ve ever been aside of and enterprise was booming and I used to be killing it.

Till round a yr later…

My good ole greatest pal John set me up at a lodge. He referred to as me and advised me that he heard that our county was serving warrants the subsequent morning for sealed indictments and that he was going to go the subsequent metropolis over to get a lodge room simply in case.

For some cause everytime you promote unlawful narcotics there are all the time a number of people who need to offer you recommendations on what they heard about such and such cops and judges and whatnot. Most time it’s pure fantasy however when you’re getting deeper into the sport you begin taking these “ideas” significantly.

John advised me what motel he was at and urged me to return on up. He stated we might celebration a bit and lay low. Positive, why not. It’s in all probability nothing and will probably be good to get out of city for a day or two. Let everybody see how it’s when good ole Tony isn’t on the town to serve you. What an ego I had.

I obtained caught with 14.9 grams, in 2 totally different luggage (Possession of Sch Il for Resale), with digital scales, baggies(Paraphernalia) and a 9mm(Possession of a firearm whereas within the fee of a felony). Obtained caught pulling into the Greatest Western that John advised me to satisfy him at. Low and behold a narcotics officer simply occurred to be across the workplace ready for me to ask me if I had something unlawful in my automotive.

“In fact not officer. Why would you ask?” I stated calmly. I had taken a Valium an hour earlier and I used to be capable of betray the shear panic that rose from the pit of my abdomen.

“Do you thoughts if I search your automotive?”

“Sure truly I do officer. I wasn’t driving if you pulled up. I used to be parked and strolling into the workplace and want to know what it’s that I’ve carried out incorrect.”

“Why are you getting a room so late whenever you stay one county over?” he asks.”

“The air went out in my home and I work on this metropolis. Have I dedicated a criminal offense by being out late?” I requested.

“Like I stated sir, we’ve had stories of utter bullshit at this lodge and I’m going to run my canine round your automotive and if he hits I’ll have my consent to look.” This fucking man has a fucking canine within the backseat of his fucking Godamned fucking automotive.

He runs the canine round my automotive pointing and training this mutt. I’m truly a canine lover however this night time I hoped that some maniac would instantly seem with a flame thrower and torch this fucking bitch. However so far as I might see the canine didn’t do a fucking factor. He didn’t bark, he didn’t level, he didn’t do shit however run round my automotive with an depth of a bear in search of a bee hive.

“My canine has indicated that there could also be unlawful narcotics in your car Tony. I’ll now start my search of your car. Is there something you need to inform me?”

“Sure, truly there’s. I didn’t see your canine do shit.” I stated.

“Are you educated in police canine sir?” he requested.

“No, however I don’t want coaching to see that he’s didn’t ‘point out’ as you stated he did.” I quipped.

By this time what looks like half of the undercover pressure of the police division has proven up. They make me sit on the sidewalk and watch as my life is up within the air just like the Hindenburg about to blow up taking me with it.

After was appeared like an hour, actually was solely about three minutes now that I look again on it, he pulls out one of many luggage of cocaine.

“Nicely, what do we’ve got right here Tony?” No level in lieing about it now, “It’s fucking cocaine.”I stated with an angle that would barely masks the rolling ball of doom that was as soon as labeled my guts. A couple of seconds later the identical query is lobbed at me with a understanding, hateful glee which might be the one method I might describe this cop’s angle now. “MORE COCAINE.” I stated with disgust for the entire human race, the planet Earth and the whole universe which had out of the blue turned it’s again on me within the final 20 minutes. The search continues revealing that I used to be certainly about to arrange store within the fucking lodge. I had a pleasant Tanita digital scales and a whole lot of these little postage stamp baggies and a 9 mm pistol for simply in case one thing silly occurs. The fury at what was occurring to me started to scrub over me like a summer time rain on scorching asphalt.

Oh, how I hated that Greatest Western and every part in existence that had ever been in that second. I hated myself however that’s not one thing we as people are to keen to leap proper into at a moments discover. So projection of these emotions are a necessity for anybody seeing their life ripped up in entrance of their eyes.


I had all of the dope within the middle console of my automotive. I stored it there in case I used to be pulled over I might all the time make a left flip and perhaps be shielded a bit if I needed to throw it out the fitting window.

I wasn’t scared at first. I used to be extra indignant than something. I figured I might scheme my approach out of this or a minimum of pay my method out of it. They took me to the precinct first. Since we weren’t going straight to jail I knew it was coming. I knew what they have been going to do.


So after letting me sit in a pleasant Interrogation room that was 20 levels colder than the remainder of the constructing for round 2 hours with some actually huge wall measurement mirrors in order that I might take a look at myself and understand how fucked I used to be, they arrive in and supply me espresso and cigarettes. So skilled, so good these good officers have been. Nothing such as you see on tv.

“So Tony, you realize why your right here right?” “Didn’t you simply catch me with cocaine or am I free to go?” I stated. Even the cops chuckled at that one. Nice, my onerous ass angle is even humorous to those fuck meats.

“No, have you learnt why we’re on the precinct and never on the jail? Do you need to assist your self or not? You’re dealing with fairly a little bit of time with this a lot coke and a firearm.”

“What am I taking a look at? How a lot time?” I requested. I don’t know what I used to be anticipating asking this query seeing as I simply received busted with 15 grams of powder cocaine in a state the place something over a half gram is a felony.

There have been 2 cops within the room questioning me they usually checked out one another as in the event that they have been making an attempt to determine who can be the fortunate one to inform me this nice fucking reply to the query I had simply requested them.

“12-30.” The cop that busted me stated with a twinkle in his eye like small city mall Santa Claus telling a child that he was positive of his identify being on the “Good” listing when in truth his little ass was so dangerous he ought to have been on a terrorist watch record.

“12-30 what? Months?” I requested actually not wanting to listen to his reply as a result of I already knew probably the most hateful phrase in existence that had simply been one other each previous day phrase to me an hour in the past.



So right here I’m sitting in one of many interrogation rooms of an area police division. I’ve simply been requested if I used to be going to “assist” myself by two cops after they inform me I’m dealing with 12-30 years within the state penitentiary. What the fuck? How did this bulllshit occur? Three hours in the past I used to be king of the fucking universe with cash, an honest whip a number of trashy women and a vast cost it to the sport card. I don’t assume I can simply cost this one up for a loss. I used to be a center class white boy that didn’t should be right here. I didn’t need to be on this city. I didn’t need to have these associates. I didn’t need to FUCKING BE HERE.

Throughout my years in highschool there was an enormous inflow of Southern Rap in the USA. I banged this shit into my head beginning round 1994 all the best way up till 2002, which is the place this story is at present at. Classics like UGK, “Driving Soiled” and Outkast, “ATLiens” have been in my CD participant always. The message was clear. “Ball onerous, experience tough and don’t snitch.” I listened to those songs as gospel to the dope recreation. I formed my angle to mirror these influences and tried to stay like these guys rapped about. Yeah, a white child from the suburbs of Nashville that grew up in a center class household selected to reside like a thug.

The city I grew up in didn’t have shit to do and everybody that selected to have a “actual life” usually moved away by going to school or discovering a job someplace, anyplace else aside from right here. However the people who stayed, nicely, they have been those making an attempt to hustle and play the dope recreation, all the time making an attempt to get away with shit. I used to be content material to work shitty jobs, get excessive, get drunk as Cooty Brown and fuck some trashy bitches.

However once I met John and noticed the life that he lived, the convenience during which cash got here his means, the overall rejection of life’s little issues like cash, employment or something associated to an trustworthy day’s work, I used to be enamored with the entire concept of it. Cash, weed, buddies and bitches. In that order. I noticed this fucking man promote 20 kilos of economic weed in every week. He didn’t promote it by the pound both. He bought it by the quarter and half ounces. He had that many individuals coming over to his home. I used to name it “Grand Central Station.” I imply it was the fucking good setup. He lived method out within the nation with an extended ass driveway with an unhindered view of the street for a few half a mile. You might see somebody coming from virtually a literal mile away. And the individuals got here. You by no means knew who was going to point out up. Previous associates from highschool, some scorching ladies that John met final week that he knew from wherever he met all these individuals. They usually have been all cool. Black, white, Mexican, no matter. The factor about John was that he beloved smoking individuals out. In the event you confirmed up to hang around for some time, as quickly as you bought there, John is rolling up a blunt or packing a bong or rolling a four paper joint. He was identical to that. And if the blunt simply went out and someone else pulled up proper then, time to smoke some extra. I feel he received a kick out of getting individuals excessive. Even in case you went to purchase a sack off of him you have been getting excessive earlier than you left. And everybody beloved him for it. It might not have been a real love nevertheless it was love nonetheless.

Being round this surroundings for a number of years straight actually made me assume twice about working these fucking terrible jobs and barely scraping by. It was only a matter of time earlier than I moved into it. I imply sitting out at Grand Central Station each afternoon and each weekend I received to satisfy all of the regulars and all of the those that got here by on a regular basis to the purpose the place I started to be pals with them and ultimately start promoting to them as nicely. It wasn’t simply clients that got here on the market. It was different sellers and heavies that may come out and hang around. Like I stated, it was a candy setup and a fucking chill place to hang around. John was all the time cooking one thing on the grill or mixing some type of new cocktail, all the time one thing happening. John was undoubtedly the weed man for lots of people. And after hanging out with the man for five years straight, there wasn’t something I didn’t belief this man with. His spouse was a cool chick and his youngsters referred to as me uncle Tony. We have been nearer than pals. I considered him as my brother.

Interrogation Room

Properly, what’s it going to be Tony? Are you going to assist your self or not? My thoughts is racing, like a rat in a burning sinking ship. “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?” “Let me ask you guys one factor.” I requested these two pricks. “Who set me up?” “It was a routine patrol Tony . Nobody set you up.” “Bullshit” I stated. Any person fucking ratted me out.” And I truthfully couldn’t consider who had achieved it. I had lied to everybody that referred to as me that night time in search of one thing. I advised everybody I used to be in one other metropolis than the one which I truly was. If there was an precise bust within the morning I positive wasn’t going to volunteer my location to anybody. My thoughts simply couldn’t comprehend who might have finished it. And I didn’t suspect my fucking brother that was ready for me on the lodge I simply acquired busted at. That thought actually by no means went via my thoughts. That simply wasn’t one thing that was even potential.

“What precisely is it you need from me? I don’t even reside on this city. I’m from the subsequent city over. How might I even provide help to there?”

We now have a TBI agent in your city we will hook you up with and in the event you work with him and he tells us that you simply’ve achieved your half it’s going to go a great distance with the DA’s workplace everytime you go to courtroom. The TBI is the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and aren’t the blokes you need to fuck round with.

So I’ve acquired 2 decisions. Inform them to fuck off and take me to jail or inform them what they need to hear and perhaps I can get out of jail on bond.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” I mumbled in disgust. “However you’ve obtained to provide me a low sufficient bond quantity that I can truly get out that will help you. If I’m in jail I can’t do shit.”

“Positive Tony , inform you what we’ll do. We’ll truly drop the felony gun cost to a misdemeanor and we will get the bond right down to $7,500. You’ll nonetheless have the felony drug cost however like I stated in case you cooperate it should go a great distance within the DA’s eyes whenever you go to courtroom. Are you able to make that bond quantity?” he stated like he was doing me the best fucking favor on the earth.

“Yeah, I could make that.” I stated figuring out that I might solely want a bit over 750 bucks to get out. Being out within the free world in my thoughts with a felony drug cost was higher than sitting in jail the place you possibly can’t do a fucking factor to assist your self.

We’ll name you within the subsequent 48 hours to set you up with the TBI agent. Will that be sufficient time so that you can get out?

“Positive.” I stated already plotting my subsequent transfer. However if you’re in a checkmate state of affairs and it’s your life that’s being toppled over on a chess board all you’ll be able to give it some thought getting out of the state of affairs instantly. And that’s what I did.

Reserving-Grownup Detention Middle eight am.

“Greatest Western of This City how can I assist you?”

“Are you able to please ring room 110?”

“Only a second please. “


“John, it’s me. I obtained fucking busted final night time.”

“The place the fuck are you dude? You stated you have been going to be right here in like 10 minutes 9 hours in the past.”

“I’M IN FUCKING JAIL DUDE. I want you to get me a bondsman NOW. I want 750 bucks. The cops seized my automotive and all my money.”

“Are you fucking critical man?”

“They popped me with 14 grams and a pistol. I’m fucked up over right here, are you continue to on the town?”

“Yeah dude we’ve been right here on the lodge all night time. The place did they pop you at?”

“Within the parking zone of the Greatest Western.”

“Are you fucking critical?”


“I’ve obtained you man. I’m on my strategy to discover a bondsman.”

“Fucking hurry up dude. This shit sucks.”

9:00 am, Grownup Detention Middle



“You made bond.”

I walked out of jail round 10 minutes later with probably the most conflicted emotions I’ve ever had. Sheer pleasure at with the ability to stroll free once more and pure terror at what had simply occurred and the way fucked I used to be, combined completely collectively like a dry martini with two inexperienced olives.

John and his spouse have been outdoors ready for me. I noticed them sitting there within the automotive taking a look at me like I used to be some poor Jew that simply acquired launched from Auschwitz. I stumbled to the automotive and obtained within the again. They didn’t even say something. John simply sat there and waited for me to say one thing.

Lets get the fuck out of right here. Take me to a liquor retailer.

So away we went leaving the emotions of being completely fucked to an entire model new feeling of now being completely fucked on down the street. I at the least had been in sufficient misdemeanor scrapes with the regulation that I knew I had months perhaps a yr to get all this shit dealt with. HOPE is probably the most highly effective drug that’s the arsenal of human talents. You’ll be able to lean on hope every time, why ever and for nevertheless lengthy you want it. I truthfully hoped if I talked to an lawyer that we might work out some type of deal. Cash for freedom, somewhat time for a lowered cost for a plea or perhaps get some authorized loophole for the best way all the things went down which was bullshit. Any fucking factor aside from doing 12-30 years in a state penitentiary. John couldn’t converse and neither might I on the best way house. We went straight to the liquor retailer, John lent me some cash, I had cash at house however the cops seized round $900.00 and my fucking automotive. We rode residence that early morning in surprised silence.

Johns home 9:00 am. After a number of large gulps of Jim Beam.

Dude, what the fuck am I going to fucking do? Dude I’m fucked.

Bro, I’ve obtained an lawyer it is advisable name, I’ve obtained his quantity.

What’s Mr. C going to say? No one goes to fuck with me, NOBODY. Shit, dude I simply ruined my fucking life!

Sit back Bro. I’m nonetheless right here, I ain’t going anyplace.

So in center faculty round sixth Grade, I used to be recognized with Consideration Deficit Dysfunction. I obtained in just a little hassle and such, nothing main, I feel I used to be simply your typical excessive strung adolescent boy. However this was the 90’s and the craze was in case your baby isn’t completely the right little fucking angel, we will repair his little ass with these excessive powered amphetamines . Muthafuckin RITALIN. That shit hit the schoolyard like crack hit the Bronx within the early 80’s. Each rambunctious center schooler was fucking tweaked. And nobody knew it. That wasn’t the shit you needed your folks figuring out. And I used to be silent together with a mess of different little asswipes.

So to me, as a child, to listen to that one thing was fallacious with my mind and these new little tablets would “Repair” me was truly fairly damaging to my vanity and my psyche in a serious method. “There’s one thing incorrect with me, cover it away, don’t be who you need to be, that individual is fucked up.” I imply how the fuck do you cope with that shit earlier than you’ve barely received hair one in your love-grapes?

However for 3 years I took the Ritalin religiously as a result of I assumed that no matter was mistaken with me is perhaps cured. The person who I’m not imagined to be may go away. My mother and father wouldn’t give me stuff to harm me. DRUGS ARE GOOD! Nicely, guess what? The individual I wasn’t alleged to be by no means went away and now after three yr of taking amphetamines I’ve educated my mind to simply accept stimulants like Jesus accepts a sinner. WITH OPEN FUCKING ARMS.

So now by the point I’m in highschool I’ve constructed a wall round myself to maintain others from discovering the dangerous me by being the clown and the jokester. I’m not motivated to do my work and even be there. I had a lot of pals, I nonetheless have a pal that I went to kindergarten with and we speak every day. He’s seen me undergo all of it and he by no means wavered in his friendship. I really like the dude. He’s just like the brother I by no means had.

However I started to shift my focus from faculty to getting fucked up with the “cool” crowd. The primary time I ever obtained drunk I met the acceptance I used to be in search of in my very own thoughts concerning the “dangerous” me. I didn’t really feel like a pariah anymore once I drank. I truly didn’t care anymore what is perhaps incorrect with me; I simply acted like a jackass and was cool with it.

CUE RICK JAMES “I’m in love with Mary Jane.

Then I met HER. Bless her coronary heart. It was love at first sight. To get excessive after faculty and roll round blasting the most recent Outkast or No Restrict document on the backroads of Tennessee was completely lovely. “Faculty? Who provides a flying fuck about that shit?” Let’s roll some blunts and get as excessive because it humanly fucking attainable. Weed at the very least gave me sufficient introspective to calm the fuck down a bit. However I used to be all the time doing my greatest to get the Ménage a trois of me alcohol and Mary Jane. There’s simply one thing about these 2 substances that basically caress my balls and turned me right into a fucking dumbass. However inside a yr or two of assembly her we have been married. Greatest relationship I’ve had to date. She lets me cheat on her and fuck her buddies, hell, she even lets me mild her on hearth and suck her down a pipe. She’s all the time there once I return from nasty herpes intercourse together with her buddies and she or he all the time provides me the bootie. Fairly good gal when you ask me. She’s undoubtedly a keeper.

Hello! I’m Cocaine and that is my twin sister Crack. We need to fuck your brains out and Bukkake your fucking life with shit!

Two of the craziest however most lovely ladies on Earth need to fuck the shit out of you after which depart you for lifeless. What do? I fucking go lose my virginity is what! “I can deal with these whores. They’ve met their match this fucking time.” Many a greater males than me have stated these phrases and by no means returned.

So a couple of years out of highschool I met my new greatest “good friend.” “John Smith.” However his nickname was “Massive John.” We hit it off the primary time we ever frolicked. It was virtually as if I had all the time recognized the man. We actually frolicked on a regular basis for across the subsequent 6 years after the day we met. I shit you not apart from a number of holidays are when some household duties referred to as we have been collectively. I made numerous pals with John. It was fucking cool having pals like these.

I assume I ought to expound on “Mr. C” Let’s name him Chris. Chris was the place all of it got here from. All of the powder, all of the Exctacy, a lot of the weed, All of it originated from Chris. He was THE hookup to have. The factor about Chris was that most individuals had no concept that it was a good suggestion to vie for his consideration when you needed illicit medicine. He didn’t flaunt his place with a bunch of bullshit bravado. He simply did what he did and tried to remain beneath the radar. I assume the factor about Chris was that he didn’t promote to customers, he solely bought to sellers and there have been in all probability round 10 others that received all their dope from him. I knew a couple of of them. They might meet him at John’s home and there have been some that I by no means met. I might hear Chris say he needed to go meet so and so and nobody ever questioned him about it. Who would? Who gave a fuck who he was fucking with so long as he stored answering your telephone calls?

I had moved previous having John calling Chris for me. It was a pure development. I imply John wasn’t being profitable off of me; he was simply making the telephone requires me. And after round a month of John calling for me day by day Chris slipped me his quantity and advised me to only name him myself. I actually felt like I simply received made into La Cosa Nostra. All was proper on the planet. I had a great userbase and I trusted them and all I needed to do now was name Chris myself if I ever wanted something. And once I say something I imply something. This dude was the fucking Wal-Mart of dope. You want powder? How a lot? You want X-pills? What number of? You need some weed? What number of kilos? When do you want it? He was a full service sort muthafucker. Simply so long as you bought every thing finished earlier than 7pm. I don’t actually know why that was the cutoff for fucking with him however who might blame him? Who needs to driving round with large quantities of dope after darkish?

Chris as soon as invited me to go on a experience with him in the future. “Positive man, the place we going?” “Atlanta.”he stated together with his assured coolness. Atlanta? Oh fuck. “How lengthy we going to be down there for?” as a result of with Chris you by no means knew. You get within the automotive with this muthafucker to go to Nashville to select up some golf golf equipment and also you may find yourself within the Opryland lodge for a day or two after watching him drop 5 grand on the strip membership. You simply by no means knew with him. Like I stated, he didn’t exhibit his wealth to everybody, however when he did determine to blow off some steam, it was like being in a fucking Scorsese flick. The sum of money I had seen this dude drop on strip golf equipment alone would’ve purchased you a model new good Honda. “A few hours on the most, we might be again earlier than the night time is over. I promise.” He stated seeing the trepidation on my face. “Okay man, let’s roll out.” I stated questioning if this could be the final dangerous choice I ever made. Off we went doing 90mph right through Chattanooga and on down Interstate 75. Now I’m a little bit of a paranoid sort individual in terms of new locations and other people. I’ve a tough time letting individuals into my circle and I don’t actually like going to locations that I don’t know or am acquainted with. Not the best high quality to have however it’s simply how I’m. I’m a management freak. There I stated it. So once we hit Marietta Chris requested if I needed to cease and get a chew to eat. “Positive, I might eat .”I stated regardless that my guts have been in knots questioning if we have been going to Atlanta’s fucking hood and the way they have been going to answer some white child invading it like Napoleon Dynamite. “Applebee’s alright with you?” “Positive man.” I stated figuring out I might no less than get a glass of whiskey to calm my nerves. A GLASS OF WHISKEY. So in we go. We saunter as much as the bar and have a seat. Type of tough place it seems to be wish to me however who might inform, It’s a fucking Applebees. I order a literal triple Crown and Coke and take a look at my menu prefer it’s in Japanese. The drinks come and godamned is that this a robust drink. I handle to get by way of half of it earlier than some Mexican dude sits down subsequent to Chris and begins speaking to him whereas giving me the attention. “Who the fuck is that this dude?” I’m considering, wishing that I might have introduced my pistol with me. I had a .380 that I often carried as a result of it was sufficiently small to slot in my pocket however I additionally had a Smith and Wesson 10mm that I carried for greater offers and when assembly new individuals related to the sport nevertheless it was primarily to point out off that I had a 10mm to different gun aficionados. I used to be bare as we speak and regretting it. “That is Tony .”Chris stated introducing us. No identify was given to me and I used to be simply nice with that. The Mexican ordered a drink as properly and Chris and he started chatting it up. I simply sat there consuming my drink texting those that I might be again on the town quickly and staring on the piped in ESPN or regardless of the hell that Applebee’s had determined for its patrons to observe that day. I attempted to take heed to what they have been saying however Chris had turned to speak to the man and I might see that they have been making an attempt to be bit personal so what of it. I ordered one other drink hoping that we might get this fucking journey over with as quickly as potential and questioned how within the fuck Chris knew a random Mexican in Marietta Georgia. And identical to that the Mexican was gone. Now Chris is telling me to order one thing to eat and telling me to get no matter I needed, it was on him. “Ah, I had an enormous breakfast, I feel I’ll simply get somewhat tanked.” Go forward”, he stated ordering a fucking plate of ribs. I’m going to be right here longer than I needed to I knew. So after the meals is out and ANOTHER spherical of drinks the fucking Mexican is again. WHAT THE FUCK? A couple of extra hushed minutes of speaking and Chris is able to go. Lastly, lets meet our doom. Chris headed again towards the Interstate and will get on 75 North. “Hey man the place are we goin? Atlanta is the opposite approach.” “We’re achieved dude. Its already within the automotive.” Chris stated grinning with a figuring out smile. What had occurred was the Mexican got here and acquired Chis’ automotive and had taken it God is aware of the place and packed it down with the product whereas we have been sitting in Applebee’s. I had no clue. “How a lot dope is within the automotive?” I requested hoping it wasn’t a lot. “Simply 2 keys and 10 kilos of weed. Oh, and four jars of X-pills.”


90mph in the direction of Chattanooga and I’m asking Chris if perhaps he ought to decelerate a bit. “Brother we ain’t pulling over for the fucking Military.” By some miracle we by no means noticed a cop or something all the best way again to our city. I’m fairly positive my balls have been caught to my leg for every week after that I used to be sweating a lot. We went straight to John’s home and he pulls out an enormous fucking ziplock bag of coke and tells me to odor it. It smelled like fucking nail polish and seemed a rainbow trout once you held a piece as much as the sunshine. It was probably the most lovely issues I had ever seen. Chris weighs out an oz and provides it to me only for driving with him. Holy Shit. He then throws out about an eight ball on the desk and says,”Lets attempt it.” I had by no means seen Chris do any powder and after the day I simply had I used to be able to get blitzed. We cracked out the entire eight ball into eight strains. Chris, John and I did one in every of these large strains and I virtually fucking threw up my testicles. I had by no means achieved any powder that made me really feel like this. This shit was fucking pure as pure will get in terms of cocaine accomplished within the states. The opposite 5 strains sat there for the remainder of the night time. We actually have been fucking geeked for an hour and once we lastly determined our hearts weren’t going to blow up we determined to not check destiny any greater than we already had. That was a hell of a day and we have been fucking fortunate. That’s half of the dope recreation, PURE FUCKING LUCK.

Chris was a convicted felon from a drug bust a number of years in the past. He had gone to jail and completed his time. I didn’t know a lot about it and I didn’t ask. However a couple of months earlier than I acquired busted Chris’ home was raided after some punk bitch dropped a dime on him. And I’m not speaking a few visitors ticket sort brush with the regulation. I’m speaking about full on half the sheriff’s division in riot gear sort shit. They busted in his home and located 9 ounces of powder a pound or two of weed a pistol and $11,000 in money. Chris was fucked like a Fleshlight at an all-boys boarding faculty. And earlier than you assume to your self, “Why did he have all this shit in his personal home?” He didn’t. It was in a stash home out within the nation that was in his girlfriend’s identify. I stated I didn’t know everybody Chris fucked with and I assume he fucked with the improper one. That’s all it takes is one weak muthafucker to topple the entire home of playing cards. Now I used to be going to should make the choice whether or not or not I used to be going to topple another person’s home.

After the bust. 24 hours.

I’m a fucking wreck. I’m questioning if Chris will reply my telephone calls or if he’ll even fuck with me now that I’m suspect. I’m questioning if the TBI agent that these fucking cops have been going to set me up with already knew about me, my tackle, what I used to be doing. Was he watching me already? And on prime of it I’ve received my common clients calling me wanting fucking powder. I’VE GOT TO MAKE A DECISION. The police stated they have been going to name me inside 48 hours. It’s simply an excessive amount of to consider. I get drunk for a day straight and stall my clients. I can’t stall them for too lengthy earlier than they get to wanting elsewhere for a hookup. Obtained to assume quick and make up my thoughts. I requested John to name Chris for me. I simply couldn’t take into consideration him not fucking with me or telling me to not name him anymore. I didn’t need to take into consideration not having the hookup anymore.

“Good day?”

“John, its me.”

“What’s up man? The way you holding?”

“I’m a wreck man. Have you ever talked to Chris? Did you inform him what occurred?”

“Yeah man. He stated to name him.”

“Is he going to even fuck with me?”

“He needs to know for those who want a entrance to get you again in your ft.”


I name Chris and get an order for an oz. He’s utterly sympathetic and we speak about how every little thing went down and even in any case that neither one among us even thought-about John. I name my clients one after the other and inform them what has transpired during the last 2 days and naturally I get the standard dick sucking from them. Feigned heartbreak and the declarations of absolute help from them, however the query all the time follows after cock leaves their mouth. “You good?” “Yeah man. Come get it.” All of the help on the earth so long as I’ve what they want. COCAINE.


“Hey there Tony. That is officer dickface. The way you doing at the moment?”

“Nice. What can I do for you?”

“We’ve contacted our agent and he is able to meet you at the moment.”

And right here we’re. The choice. Am I a rat? Am I going to jail? Can I do the time? Can I rat out somebody I do know? Say, one thing you idiot.

“Nobody will reply my calls Officer Dick Face.”

“You higher get someone on the road, we will nonetheless up the misdemeanor gun cost to a felony in the event you don’t.”

“I don’t know what you need me to do sir. Everybody is aware of I received busted and that I’m scorching, they gained’t contact me with a 10 foot pole.”

“It’s essential name us again inside every week and replace us in your standing.”

“Positive, I’ll speak to you later.”

Attorneys Workplace, a number of days later.

I inform this man the whole lot, I imply all the things. I benefit from the lawyer shopper privalege. It’s virtually therapeutic. He asks me the query that may reverberate via my thoughts till today.

“Did John set you up? “


No approach, I stated with a hesitancy.

“Nicely, Tony , I feel we’ve obtained a fantastic probability at getting this thrown out based mostly on the circumstances that you simply’ve defined to me concerning the case. My charge is $5,000 due as we speak. Are you able to pay that?”

“Do you’re taking money?”


“I guess you do you low life fuck.” I assumed to myself as I went to my automotive to get the cash. This was going to harm paying this a lot however the man was a talker and had all types of methods, so I assumed. And he advised me this is able to NEVER get out of Common Periods Courtroom the place misdemeanor violations are dealt with. He stated it had completely NO probability of being sure over to Circuit Courtroom the place the felony violations are tried

20 Months Later, CIRCUIT COURT.

The final 2 setting have been upstairs in circuit courtroom. The supply from the DA had been eight years. Each occasions. This was primarily my final courtroom setting earlier than I both took a plea or went to trial. Going to trial was not an choice. When you’re caught, you’re caught. You’re taking that shit in entrance of a jury of your friends, yeah proper, and they’re going to fucking burn you for losing their fucking time.

So, my lawyer lastly comes again with the final supply. eight years and 1 day. I used to be incredulous. He had been telling me that the primary 2 provides have been simply formalities. That they might ultimately come down on it.


“I do know, I do know” he stated. “I feel I could possibly get you in boot camp.”

“What the fuck is boot camp?”

“It’s a 120 day program. You would be out in 5 months. Should you don’t need to do this I’m going to wish one other 5 grand right now and we’ll take it to trial”

“What selection do I’ve then? Fuck it, convey on the boot camp.”

Ailing be out in 5 month? Hell yeah!

Turned myself in 48 hours later after pleading responsible to Poss. of Sch. II for resale.

I didn’t get out for 15 months. I sat languishing within the county jail for 10 months. Right now to assist alleviate overcrowding within the state prisons the state was paying County Jails to carry state sentenced prisoners a per diem. So, the county I used to be in actually didn’t like sending it’s inmates to jail as a result of that was a lack of cash to them. I truly needed to rent one other lawyer and return in entrance of the identical decide that sentenced me and have him order the jail to ship me to jail.

Once I first noticed West Tennessee State Penitentiary the lyrics from that UGK track got here dashing again via my head, “… ain’t nothing promised to a participant however the Penitentiary.” What bullshit. Why did I fall for this? I bought my soul to the satan and the worth was low cost. Somewhat bit of cash and medicines was all it took for me to finish up right here.

I used to be there at WTSP for a month after which despatched as well camp. It was actually the toughest factor, bodily, psychologically and emotionally that I’ve ever been via. However I made it.


For 14 months earlier than I violated with a DUI. I had married a loopy fucking whore 20 years older than me the day I used to be sentenced 15 months in the past. She had a bit cash, an enormous home and a BMW. She stated she beloved me and would maintain me whereas I used to be inside. Can you set cash on my books each week? Sure, and I’ll come go to you each week. And she or he did. And she or he fucked my pals after which got here up and confessed all this to me behind plexiglass. I needed to bash her head in. These 20 months on the road ready to go to jail was tough. By the top of it I used to be doing 7 grams a day. I might hardly perform the previous few weeks. However now that I used to be locked up with no medicine, she turned my drug and I hated her for it. I made a decision that once I obtained out she would pay.

The night time I acquired the DUI we have been driving within the nation her and I and one in every of my pals. She received so fucking drunk she began screaming for me to tug over and let her out. I pulled over and let her out considering she simply wanted to take a couple of steps and catch her breath after which she would get in. She didn’t. She stored strolling forwards and backwards throughout the street and ultimately slapping me so onerous my ears rang. My pal caught me from decking her, I used to be elevating my arm to provide it again to her. I’m not advocating violence towards ladies however this chick was from Chicago she was tall and she or he might harm you. I’ll defend myself regardless of the intercourse of the person who is attacking me. My buddy caught me and stated, “Bro, depart that loopy bitch out right here. Let’s go dude.” In order that’s what we did. We went again to the home and sat within the driveway for a couple of minutes earlier than I made a decision we had to return and get her. 20 minutes away was how far she was. We would like again and there have been Sheriff’s deputies all over the place. They stopped me and requested me for my drivers license by identify. They have been ready for me. They requested me what I used to be doing on the market and I advised them that I left my spouse out right here after we had an argument and she or he wouldn’t get again within the car. “Nicely, Tony she is in a helicopter on the best way to Vanderbilt. She won’t reside.”


“You’re coming with us.” Aggravated Home Assault. 30 thousand greenback bond.

Acquired out three days later and went residence to seek out this bitch laid up on mattress with a neckbrace on. I requested her what the fuck occurred to her and she or he says, “You threw me out of the car.” YOU FUCKING TOLD THE COPS THAT YOU STUPID MUFFIN HEADED WHORE? “I don’t keep in mind what occurred she pleaded.” I introduced the pal that was with us that night time over to the home and he defined every thing that occurs since she couldn’t or wouldn’t consider me.

A few month later I used to be locked again up within the county on a violation. No bond. Once I went in entrance of the decide the primary time he requested me if I had an lawyer. “No your honor I don’t. However do I want one to plead guilt? I’m able to get this present on the street.”

“You could converse with the DA.”

The DA was cool. He knew I didn’t need to extend it and he knew I used to be simply prepared to start out serving time in jail relatively than the county. He informed me to attend a couple of minutes and he would convey me the paper work for me to signal. He got here again and informed me to look over it and to ensure he had gotten the jail credit proper earlier than I signed it. I received to taking a look at it and he had given me jail credit score for the complete 20 months that I used to be out going to courtroom once I first acquired busted. He primarily knocked it from an eight to a 6 yr sentence. The decide accepted my plea and gave me the jail credit. I by no means stated a phrase, I by no means acted like I used to be comfortable. This was a clerical error that was in my favor, that or the DA was being beneficiant. Both means I wasn’t saying shit about it.

So again to jail for four years this time. I flattened my sentence. No parole, no probation. I went house to my mother and father home the day I acquired out. I had divorced the whore from jail for 11 dollars in honeybuns. Greatest 11 dollars I ever spent.

Now I acquired an eight yr sentence. Chris acquired 141 months within the federal system. The feds picked up his case due to the sum of money that he received caught with and perhaps the pistol cost. Both means he’s been locked up for 13 years now. He ought to be getting out this yr or subsequent. Phill who I didn’t point out, however he was one of many 4 of us. He acquired two 10 yr sentences. He out now however nonetheless acquired a little bit of parole to do. And naturally John. John by no means acquired a weekend in jail. Nothing. John by no means wrote me, by no means answered my calls whereas I used to be in. I’m not mad. I’m who I’m at this time thanks in all probability to him. So far as I do know my lawyer by no means filed a movement of discovery on the case. If he did John’s identify was by no means introduced up. But when he was a C.I. the police made positive it stayed that approach. I’ll by no means know 100% if John set me up. I’ll guess 99% should do.

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